Man on a bridge - joke

I was walking across a bridge one day, and I saw a man standing on the edge, about to jump. I ran over and said: "Stop. Don't do it."
"Why shouldn't I?" he asked.
"Well, there's so much to live for!"
"Like what?"
"Are you religious?
"He said, "Yes.
I said, "Me too. Are you Christian or Buddhist?"
"Christian."
"Me too. Are you Catholic or Protestant?"
"Protestant."
"Me too. Are you Episcopalian or Baptist?"
"Baptist."
"Wow. Me too. Are you Baptist Church of God or Baptist Church of the Lord?"
"Baptist Church of God."
"Me too. Are you original Baptist Church of God, or are you Reformed Baptist Church of God?"
"Reformed Baptist Church of God."
"Me too. Are you Reformed Baptist Church of God, Reformation of 1879, or Reformed Baptist Church of God, Reformation of 1915?"
He said: "Reformed Baptist Church of God, Reformation of 1915."
I said: "Die, heretic scum," and pushed him off.

!!!

Baby boy

You were born on August 16th at 5 am in Tirana. At 6 am I got a text message “Dear Bana, you are an Aunt”. You are named Gerd, like Gerd Myler the soccer player. Your mom and dad couldn’t decide on a name for you for a long time. Names were changing every week. Your mom liked Fjord, Kron, Dalin, Blini, I liked Viktor and Farris etc. Well, here we are dear Gerd. You were born 3.4 kilos, and your mom had to push you out for three hours. She was in a lot of pain, the natural way.

When I first saw your picture, you looked more like a girl, than a boy. Oh well, I’m allowed to say such things to your mom. She knows me well. I am tough on her, but I feel when others only call you “poor thing or, it must be tough” someone has to be the “bad guy” and poke you with a stick to do something.

In these first few days, you sleep a lot, and haven’t yet figured out how to latch on to your mom’s food. I hope only good things for you from here on out. Your mom says you’re a good quiet baby, (only fussing when you must), and very sensitive to any movement around you. I like that about you. Sensitive Gerd.

I can’t wait to see you and hug your small body, and make jokes with your mom, about any other traits you may have gotten from her. You and she are well loved by me.

Where is She?

Someone who means well, but is confused, asked me today how is she? I don’t know. I think she’s watching over me, but I don’t know. Where are you? I picture your new residence, but hopefully you are not there much. It’s not much of a place, even though it’s quiet, with trees and flowers. Hopefully you’re walking somewhere, talking to friends making jokes, and can see me. I know it’s important to you, to see me, to know what I’m doing, to see my surroundings. I hope you don’t see everything. I am embarrassed about some. I hope you’re not too shocked, and this is not an apology, I can not give you one now. I hope you heard my last one. Well I don’t know where you are, but I don’t mind believing you’re around.

Life in the heart of

Life in deserts was sandy,
Life in caves was lonely,
Life in ocean was salty,
Life in stars was resplendent,
Life in car was modern,
Life in mountains was exhilarating,
Life in Sun was brilliant,
Life in forests was mystical,
Life in shadows was enigmatic,
Life in battlefield was belligerent,
Life in pearls was exotic,
Life in office was monotonous,
Life in sky was breezy,
Life in submarine was voluptuous,
Life in trees was mischievous,
Life in roses was fragrant,
Life in grass was intoxicating,
Life in webs was silken,
Life in paradise was divine,
Life in temples was sacrosanct,
Life in gutter was abhorrent,
Life in dirt was deplorable,
Life in rain was seductive,
Life in beehives was vivacious,
Life in wine was sensuous,
Life in computers was brazen,
Life in nests was sequestering,
Life in statues was stationary,
Life in icebergs was freezing,
Life in anthills was irascible,
Life in lakes was placid,
Life in locks was invincible,
Life in photographs was still,
Life in gardens was pleasant,
Life in mousetrap was asphyxiating,
Life in fists was curled,
Life in prison was disdainful,
Life in whirlpool was spinning,
Life in theater was dramatic,
Life in art was enchanting,
Life in boats was undulating,
Life in diamonds was glittering,
Life in moon was milky,
Life in kitchen was appetizing,
Life in beauty was ravishing,
Life in titillation was enticing,
Life in fantasy was stupendous,
Life in mothers lap was blissful,
Life in medicine was healing,
Life in corpse was standstill,
Life in lavatory was pathetic,
Life in seedlings was blossoming,
Life in horseback was gallivanting,
Life in snakeskin was slithering,
Life in oven was sizzling,
Life in greenery was sedative,
Life in rebellion was evoking,
Life in discrimination was appalling,
Life in benevolence was gratifying,
Life in humanity was God,
Life in cheese was tangy,
Life in achievement was exultating,
Life in ambition was propelling,
Life in eyelashes was flirtatious,
Life in palms was dependant,
Life in fashion was bombastic,
Life in recluse was esoteric,
Life in keyhole was inconspicuous,
Life in kites was exuberant,
Life in glass was reflecting,
Life in tea was rejuvenating,
Life in sheep was impeccable,
Life in rocks was jagged,
Life in chains was abominable,
Life in feathers was tickling,
Life in egotism was preposterous,
Life in dawn was brandnew,
Life in dewdrops was mesmerizing,
Life in intrigue was electrifying,
Life in eloquence was mystifying,
Life in clock was pragmatic,
Life in childhood was nostalgic,
Life in robots was mechanical,
Life in fabric was shielding,
Life in soul was stupefying,
Life in roots was entangling,
Life in chains was hedonistic,
Life in bareness was lascivious,
Life in haziness was romantic,
Life in knives was lethal,
Life in chili was piquant,
Life in swings was fascinating,
Life in lechery was insane,
Life in rhythm was celestial,
Life in pulse was frantic,
Life in lies was cowardice,
Life in superstitions was non-existent,
Life in revenge was pugnacious,

But life in the heart of your beloved; WAS; IS; AND WILL ALWAYS BE LOVE; LOVE AND ONLY LOVE…

by nikhil parekh

Dude, where is my watch???

As you may have seen, President Bush got himself lost in the crowd in Fush Kruje... Someone noticed the fact that when he went into the crowd he had on a wrist watch. Then after the crowd kissed him, hugged him, and grabbed him, oh so lovingly, no more watch...

I just watched the video again in youtube, and yes, it is true.

Does this remind you of a joke about albanians.
When do you know you're in albania?
When you take your arm out the car window and your watch is stolen.

President Bush receives warmest welcome in Albania

Yes!!!!! This is the kind of media bullshit I like, for the benefit of my native country.
I feel content. Perfect.

IMMIGRATION BILL WITHDRAWN [FOR NOW]

sad sad day... democrats and Republicans can't come to an agreement. Leaving sarcasm aside, I don't know if they just got too tired of debating, or they need a fresh perspective to move forward. The needs of an immigrant are simple: to be able to go to school, fly to Florida on vacation, drive a car, get medical coverage, visit their families. Waiting years to get there, they will gladly pay a fine, go thru background checks and whatever else. Why is it so difficult to decide YES on this?
I guess keep on living illegally makes more sense, and so, more illegal things to come...

Our american government gives up on issues and sneaks out the back door.

We have a broken government .
We have a broken government.
We have a broken government.